Hot Nurse Is My Safeword

Orientation With Many Hot Nurses

I’m starting a new job this month. It’s another part-time job, because every job in Florida is a part-time job. The average Floridian is far too busy doing one of four things: (1) Smoking crack, (2) fending off the roving bands of crackheads, (3) drinking margaritas while listening to Jimmy Buffett, or (4) fending off the roving bands of Parrotheads, to even consider full-time employment.

I’m hoping this new job will lead to full-time but if it does I’ll have to club eighteen baby seals before Rick Scott will allow it.

I’m going to be working for a local hospital and I’m in the process of figuring out how much info I should divulge on a website that is under my real name.



Last week I sat through a full two days of orientations. This did not bother me at all and that had absolutely nothing to do with the dozen hot nurses I was stuck in a small room with. It was because they gave us bagels and fresh fruit and all the free coffee and tea we could drink. Everyone who knows me knows that I stick to a strict seven cup a day schedule but if I’m anywhere that has free coffee all bets are off and I’m likely to go all Chris Farley.

I usually hate the whole corporate/human resource team-building-this-job-is-going-to-be-your-new-religion-and-master-and-you-better-pick-a-safeword-you-can-remember-just-kidding-safewords-are-against-company-policy-as-are-jokes-so-forget-I-made-one bullshit. But they actually did an amazing job and I bought what they were selling.

First they made us watch this video. If you can watch this without getting teary eyed I’ll give you a bagel. And a punch in the throat.

After watching that video I knew I didn’t need a safeword anyway. I was all in.

It helps that we will work with the sick and dying and have an opportunity to make a small difference in their (in some cases last) days.

In between the thirty-two bathroom breaks I needed because I’d drank forty-three cups of coffee (which I’m still buzzed from if you haven’t noticed) I gleaned the fact that the  place I’ll be working is loaded with attractive, smart, happy, attractive, caring, attractive people who actually do seem to give more than the requisite number of fucks.

Stay tuned.


  8 comments for “Hot Nurse Is My Safeword

  1. September 25, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    So, are you going to be a hot nurse too?

    Congrats on the new job. Lay off the coffee.

    Your book just arrived in my mailbox. I’ll bring it with me on vacation.

    • September 25, 2014 at 6:57 pm

      No, I’m working as a transporter for the radiology department.

      Thanks and NEVER! Awesome, I can’t wait to hear what you think!

      Thanks Diane!

  2. Amy
    September 25, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Helloooooooo, nurse!

    The best thing about a hospital job is you basically get to wear jammies to work. Comfy uniform, endless coffee, hot, caring co-workers – sounds like you struck gold, my friend!

    • September 25, 2014 at 6:58 pm

      I know, right? And I do rock the blue. It makes my eyes pop like a balloon at a Warhol party.

      I’m enjoying it so far but I’m still envious of your new gig.

      Thanks Amy!

  3. September 25, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    I hope you get to nurse a few hot nurses… because even they need nursing, right?

    • September 25, 2014 at 6:59 pm

      Sure nurses need nurses and transporters need transporting.

      Thanks GB!

  4. September 25, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    Well don’t you look all grown up and responsible (although, come to think of it, you are in your PJs…And what will you be giving up if you go full-time?
    Good luck.
    Karenlee 🙂

    • September 25, 2014 at 7:02 pm

      I do look lovely, don’t I? I’ll have to quit my other job at the gym. I’d take that trade off in a heartbeat.

      Thanks Karenlee!

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