The Walking Dead, Revolution, True Detective, Mad Men, Justified, Game of Thrones, Revenge, Hell’s Kitchen, Naked and Afraid, and The Big Bang Theory – Maybe it’s my OCD but every time I watch these TV shows I can’t get past the same burning questions buzzing around my mind like an angry hornet.
The Walking Dead and Revolution
How do you keep your beards so neatly trimmed?
I get that the men have beards. There are no razors since the Gillette factory closed because zombies don’t shave and all of the existing razors have been commandeered by the perfectly smooth legged and waxy armpited females. But where are you finding the electricity to manage a perfect week’s beard every time we see you? I can’t keep my facial hair looking neat with an hour, three mirrors and advice from my wife.
And, why aren’t you losing your teeth?
I’ve never seen one of you brush or floss. Are you telling me that everything I thought I knew about oral hygiene and dental care is a lie?
And, how is your hair perfectly highlighted, curled and coifed? What is this sorcery?
How did Rust Cohle manage to go from scrawny to buff between 1995 and 2012 on what appears to be nothing but a steady diet of beer and sucking Marlboros like they contain crack?
How is Hart nailing both a hot wife and a ridiculously sexy mistress?
Woody Harrelson is ugly. Ugly men who are not actors but are supposedly cops in shitty, depressing towns do not nail women this hot. They just don’t. Not ever. No. NEVER.
How are Don Draper and Roger Sterling not just lousy with crabs and other, even more unpleasant, V.D.’s?
What in the hell is Wynn Duffy’s Forehead doing?
Because it looks like it’s trying to defy physics.
Game of Thrones
Where do you poop?
Just fucking kill the Graysons already.
This is not a question. This is an order. Just. Kill. Them. And be done with it.
When is someone going to punch Gordon Ramsey in the throat?
Someone really has to punch Gordon Ramsey in his throat.
Naked and Afraid
How are you people not dead?
And, can’t you at least put on some undies?
I get the premise, but, would a pair of boxers or panties and a bra really take anything away for the experience?
Big Bang Theory
How can Penny afford that apartment in Pasadena on a Cheesecake Factory waitress’s salary?
If she’s hooking then I want to see her hooking.
Do you have any questions for TV shows you’d like to add? Just leave them in the comments. I’m sure Hollywood will get right back to us.