10 Serious Questions For TV Shows

The Walking Dead, Revolution, True Detective, Mad Men, Justified, Game of Thrones, Revenge, Hell’s Kitchen, Naked and Afraid, and The Big Bang Theory – Maybe it’s my OCD but every time I watch these TV shows I can’t get past the same burning questions buzzing around my mind like an angry hornet.

The Walking Dead and Revolution

How do you keep your beards so neatly trimmed?

I get that the men have beards. There are no razors since the Gillette factory closed because zombies don’t shave and all of the existing razors have been commandeered by the perfectly smooth legged and waxy armpited females. But where are you finding the electricity to manage a perfect week’s beard every time we see you? I can’t keep my facial hair looking neat with an hour, three mirrors and advice from my wife.

And, why aren’t you losing your teeth?

I’ve never seen one of you brush or floss. Are you telling me that everything I thought I knew about oral hygiene and dental care is a lie?

And, how is your hair perfectly highlighted, curled and coifed? What is this sorcery?

True Detective

How did Rust Cohle manage to go from scrawny to buff between 1995 and 2012 on what appears to be nothing but a steady diet of beer and sucking Marlboros like they contain crack?

How is Hart nailing both a hot wife and a ridiculously sexy mistress?

Woody Harrelson is ugly. Ugly men who are not actors but are supposedly cops in shitty, depressing towns do not nail women this hot. They just don’t. Not ever. No. NEVER.

True Detective Questions for TV shows


Mad Men

How are Don Draper and Roger Sterling not just lousy with crabs and other, even more unpleasant, V.D.’s?


What in the hell is Wynn Duffy’s Forehead doing?

Because it looks like it’s trying to defy physics.

Game of Thrones

Where do you poop?

Game of Thrones | Questions for TV shows



Just fucking kill the Graysons already.

This is not a question. This is an order. Just. Kill. Them. And be done with it.

Hell’s Kitchen

When is someone going to punch Gordon Ramsey in the throat?

Someone really has to punch Gordon Ramsey in his throat.

Naked and Afraid

How are you people not dead?

And, can’t you at least put on some undies?

I get the premise, but, would a pair of boxers or panties and a bra really take anything away for the experience?

Big Bang Theory

How can Penny afford that apartment in Pasadena on a Cheesecake Factory waitress’s salary?

If she’s hooking then I want to see her hooking.

Do you have any questions for TV shows you’d like to add? Just leave them in the comments. I’m sure Hollywood will get right back to us.

  12 comments for “10 Serious Questions For TV Shows

  1. April 28, 2014 at 11:33 am

    BWAH HA HA HA! These are all totally valid questions, but the Woody Harrelson one made me laugh out loud! So true!-Ashley

    • April 28, 2014 at 6:00 pm

      I know, right? True Detective is brilliant though. Bleak as hell, but brilliant.

      Thanks Ashley!

  2. April 28, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    I totally agree with you on the ‘Revenge’ issue. Thought it was an interesting show for half a season, now even the ads annoy me. ‘Game of Thrones’ however is a hell of a production. Love it. Don’t really want to think about where they poop though so I hope I can get that thought out of my head before I next sit down to watch it.

    • April 28, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      Season three is back up there with the first… I watch it with my wife, if you’re wondering. I love Game of Thrones. Breaking Bad was my favorite show since The Wire, and I think it surpassed even that.

      Thanks Karen!

  3. April 28, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    Maybe that’s why they call it The Big Bang. Just a theory.

    I want to know why Don and Roger don’t have cirrhosis of the liver.

    • April 29, 2014 at 8:47 am

      Wow Diane, you’re better than me at this. Yes and yes. You are a star!

      Thanks Diane!

  4. April 29, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Some women say there is something called “ugly-hot”. I’m not sure what it is, but I think it’s got something to do with eyebrows and attitude.

    I haven’t seen Game of Thrones, but I would guess they poop in the forest when they’re riding and the garderobe when they’re in a castle. Maybe the royalty wear diapers.

    • April 29, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      I could buy that. Attitude goes a long way. I’ve seen some less than stellar looking dudes pull some babes with the right attitude. Then again that was city life. I have my doubts if two hot women would even live in that town.

      I always knew it was good to be royalty, I just never knew how good.

      Thanks GB!

  5. May 8, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    The whole time we watched True Detective I would say, “I just don’t get it, he is so ugly.” The teeth/mouth combo…yuck, I could barely look at him. And Cohle with the cigarettes – couldn’t stand it. My thought was, “Matthew you have kids. This is just a TV show. Stop with the cigarettes.” I’m surprised those beer can sculptures weren’t pulled across the table towards him every time he took a drag.

    I don’t watch any of the other shows on the list except Revenge. And that comment was hilarious. Totally laughed out loud. It is by far the stupidest show I watch.

    • May 9, 2014 at 11:07 am

      I know, right? I’ll bet he uses super light cigarettes, maybe even herbal. I think that unless you smoke in real life, you’re not smoking real cigarettes. If those were real, I honestly think he’d be dead by now.

      It is pretty stupid. I usually only go for the critically acclaimed stuff but I have to compromise a little for the wife.

      Thanks Stephanie!!

  6. May 15, 2014 at 6:06 am

    YES! My question for The Walking Dead was: how come your cars still have petrol in them? My question for The Americans was: how come no one can tell that’s a wig?
    As for Naked and Afraid… I only just learned this show exists very recently when I saw a clip of a contestant who had suffered some horrible affliction in his…. well, the reason we all wear underwear. Such a weird show. Who would go on that?!

    I only just found this post because I had bookmarked an old post instead of saving your blog to my blog reader properly – tech genius here.

    • May 15, 2014 at 8:16 am

      That’s true the gas would have gone “off” by now. I also love how they drive current model Hondas.
      I admit, I have a sort of sick admiration for the Naked and Afraid people. I don’t have the mental OR testicular fortitude to last three hours out there. I’d tap out the second it was time for my afternoon coffee.

      I’m glad you found your way back. Thanks Jackie!

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