Orientation With Many Hot Nurses
I’m starting a new job this month. It’s another part-time job, because every job in Florida is a part-time job. The average Floridian is far too busy doing one of four things: (1) Smoking crack, (2) fending off the roving bands of crackheads, (3) drinking margaritas while listening to Jimmy Buffett, or (4) fending off the roving bands of Parrotheads, to even consider full-time employment.
I’m hoping this new job will lead to full-time but if it does I’ll have to club eighteen baby seals before Rick Scott will allow it.
I’m going to be working for a local hospital and I’m in the process of figuring out how much info I should divulge on a website that is under my real name.
Last week I sat through a full two days of orientations. This did not bother me at all and that had absolutely nothing to do with the dozen hot nurses I was stuck in a small room with. It was because they gave us bagels and fresh fruit and all the free coffee and tea we could drink. Everyone who knows me knows that I stick to a strict seven cup a day schedule but if I’m anywhere that has free coffee all bets are off and I’m likely to go all Chris Farley.
I usually hate the whole corporate/human resource team-building-this-job-is-going-to-be-your-new-religion-and-master-and-you-better-pick-a-safeword-you-can-remember-just-kidding-safewords-are-against-company-policy-as-are-jokes-so-forget-I-made-one bullshit. But they actually did an amazing job and I bought what they were selling.
First they made us watch this video. If you can watch this without getting teary eyed I’ll give you a bagel. And a punch in the throat.
After watching that video I knew I didn’t need a safeword anyway. I was all in.
It helps that we will work with the sick and dying and have an opportunity to make a small difference in their (in some cases last) days.
In between the thirty-two bathroom breaks I needed because I’d drank forty-three cups of coffee (which I’m still buzzed from if you haven’t noticed) I gleaned the fact that the place I’ll be working is loaded with attractive, smart, happy, attractive, caring, attractive people who actually do seem to give more than the requisite number of fucks.